Two Year Anniversary

Today is August 20, 2012.  It is a big day in our household.  Our son, Ewan, started kindergarten today.

Ewan's first day of kindergarten!

Today is also exactly two years after I learned that I had cancer.  Two years ago today on Friday, August 20 2010, I met with Dr. Suddesh (a surgeon and specialist in orbital and ocular "abnormalities") who told me that I most likely had non-Hodgkins lymphoma.  I remember, sitting alone in his office, crying, terrified about what was to come.  I remember at that moment, thinking that that was the very worst day of my entire life.  We scheduled my surgical biopsy for the following Monday, which did indeed confirm what he suspected.

Here I sit, two years later, reflecting on how much has changed.  I can't even begin to express the joy, relief, and gratitude for the journey I have taken over these past two years.  I look at what has happened, and what I have accomplished in this time, and I feel incredibly blessed.

Blessed to have successfully treated my cancer with an unbelievable "miracle drug" called Rituxan, which literally melted my tumors away while minimally impacting my life.

Blessed to return to my wonderful teaching job after four months of medical leave, and continuing to work with incredible teachers, students, and families.

Blessed to have had a health wake-up call which made me realize that though I can't control cancer, I can control how I take care of my body.

Blessed to have found a passion for healthy eating and fitness/weight lifting which has resulted in the loss of 40 pounds, and a discovery of muscles I never knew existed!  I feel absolutely amazing, and I am in the best shape of my life, as I approach my 39th birthday.

Blessed to have had the energy and health to train for and successfully run the Nike Women's Half Marathon last October in San Francisco.

Blessed to have become involved once again, with the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team in Training, to come full circle and give back to raise over $17,000 for this remarkable charity that contributed significantly to the research of "my" miracle drug, Rituxan, and continues to search for a cure everyday.

Blessed to have had the opportunity to travel, and vacation with my family visiting five different foreign countries.

Blessed to spend time with family and friends, and gain the appreciation that life is a precious gift that we have to make the most of every single day.

Blessed to have learned that there is always a bright side, and that each and every one of us has a choice to find the positive in any situation.  Life is what we make of it.

I had my regularly scheduled, six-month MRI last Friday night, and I had another, regularly scheduled (every 12 weeks) infusion on Saturday.  I meet with Dr. Suddesh for my regular follow up this Friday afternoon, and then I meet with my oncologist, Dr. Vempaty next Wednesday.  These appointments always bring me some degree of trepidation, but I know in my heart that everything is going to be just fine.  I do, however, really appreciate the continued thoughts, good vibes and prayers from my loved ones, as these are powerful beyond measure.

Thank you to all of you who have been there for me on this amazing journey!  Life is so good!

Nike Women's Marathon--I Did It!

Wow, words just cannot describe the high that I am on after this past weekend in San Francisco.  So much went on, but it culminated in the fact that I completed the Nike Women's Half Marathon!  That is 13.1 (hilly!) miles on an incredibly scenic course through the city!

What an amazing journey this has been.  From the moment I was diagnosed with non-Hodgekin's lymphoma nearly 14 months ago, I knew that I wanted to run another event with Team in Training.  I have to thank my friend (and team mentor) Pam Costa for contacting me this summer, and encouraging me to join TNT as an honoree and participant this fall season.  I was so nervous to get involved, not sure I could handle the demands of the training, the fundraising, and the huge time commitment--and it really was tough at times--but I am so incredibly glad that I did it!  The support from everyone on my team--coaches, captains, my mentor Pam, my teammates--has been phenomenal.  They all have helped prepare us all so well; not just with the training, but helping with fundraising ideas, and especially with what to expect during race weekend, not to mention being there to cheer us on.  I can't even imagine doing a race on my own without the support of the team.  And of course, just as important was the support of my friends and especially my family.  I could't have done it without all of you!

This past weekend was so much fun.  The weather in San Francisco couldn't have been better: low 70's, sunny blue skies with puffy white clouds.  Gavin and I dropped Ewan off at my parents' house on Saturday morning and arrived in the city a little after noon.  We tried to check in early to our hotel (they put me up at the beautiful Ritz Carlton since I was the team's top fundraiser!)  Our room wasn't quite ready, so we left our bags and headed down to Union Square to the Nike Women's Marathon Expotique to pick up my bib and race packet.  People thronged the streets, and the energy was electric!  So many people milling about the different booths, all the race sponsors were there handing out samples of products.  We walked over to the Niketown store to look for my name on one of the 10 huge panels plastered to the storefront windows and after a few minutes of waiting our turn and battling crowds, we managed to find my name and snap a few pics.

Picked up my race packet at the Expotique.

I found my name!

Next, Gavin and I made our way to a nearby Italian restaurant and had a yummy (carb filled) lunch.  We finished around 3:00, then walked back to our hotel, but our room still wasn't ready despite it being check-in time.  They apologized profusely, and treated us to a round of drinks in their lounge while we waited.  We finally got to our room around 4:00, where we settled in, relaxed, and got ready for the TNT inspiration dinner.  TNT had arranged shuttle transportation for us to Moscone Center, where the dinner was held.  When we arrived, we were completely surprised and overwhelmed by the greeting we received: hundreds of TNT coaches, mentors, and captains from all over North America lined the lobby of the center as well as the stairs and entry to the lower level of the hall.  They were all dressed up in funky costumes, wearing purple and other TNT garb, and cheering wildly at the top of their lungs, clapping and ringing cowbells.  The noise was deafening!  We were amongst thousands of other participants in the Nike race, and everyone walking in was taken aback--I was overcome with emotion and my eyes filled with tears to see, hear, and feel the extraordinary energy in the massive room!  This video doesn't do it justice, but gives you an idea of what we experienced:

The program that followed was truly inspirational, and we heard from several fabulous speakers.  I was so incredibly impressed with every little detail of the dinner program, and so proud to be part of such a positive and wonderful organization.  Dinner ended early, so that we would have time to get ourselves ready for the morning and (hopefully) to bed early.  Amazingly, I slept just fine, after everyone warned me that I would lie awake all night due to nerves.  I didn't really feel nervous at all--excited, but surprisingly calm.  We set two alarms and arranged a 4:40 AM wake up call, followed by a 5:00 AM room service delivery of two double cappuccinos!  I ate my typical pre-run breakfast of Kashi cereal and a banana, donned my race gear and was soon ready to walk to another nearby hotel right by the start line, so we could meet my teammates at 5:45.

Lubed, dressed, fueled, caffeinated and
ready to run!

We were all filled with anticipation as we pushed our way through the jam-packed streets to attempt to find our correct corral (they try to group people by their pace, but it really was impossible to get to the right spot).  At 7:00 AM on the dot the race started, but it took us nearly 20 minutes to move one block to the start line from where we were standing!  The crowds were tremendous, but everyone's spirits were high and nobody was grouchy or rude.

Once we started, we made our way through an amazingly scenic course.  I ran accompanied by my running buddy Vidya, and one of our team coaches, Lisa.  We ran through financial district past the Transamerica Pyramid, all along the waterfront of the Embarcadero where we stopped to snap a few shots of the incredible sunrise behind the Bay Bridge.

We continued past Fisherman's Wharf, Fort Mason, along the Marina Green, past the Palace of Fine Arts and Crissy Field, then we headed up a big huge hill at mile 6 into the Presidio, exposing views of the beautiful Golden Gate bridge.  We then cut into the Sea Cliff neighborhood, where my friend, Lisa Brickley, jumped in to run with me for a mile or so and cheer me on.  At mile 10 we hit the Great Highway, which was a nice downhill for a while until we cut into Golden Gate Park at mile 11 for one last gradual, but difficult uphill mile as the fatigue set in.  Finally, we reached mile 12 (the "chocolate mile" as they were handing out squares of Ghiradelli chocolate!) and we looped back out of the park to head to the finish line on the Great Highway along the beach.  There were numerous TNT teammates along that last mile helping to cheer us on and run us in.  I crossed the finish line with my buddies, Vidya and Coach Lisa, holding hands, with a run time of 2:47:06.  Yes, I know people run full marathons in less time than that, but hey, I was happy!

We entered the pandemonium of "Finish Village" where we received the best greeting of all: a handsome San Francisco firefighter holding a platter of little blue boxes, who handed us our finisher's necklace from Tiffany and Co.

I got my blue box!

...and my finisher's shirt and necklace!

Next we picked up our Nike Finisher t-shirts and I spotted Gavin and the rest of my cheering crew shortly thereafter.  I was so excited to see Gavin, Ewan, my dad and our friends Kevin and Sara who had also come to cheer me on.  We all walked over to the TNT tent where I checked in and was rewarded with all kinds of yummy food provided by the numerous race sponsors, as I went back and forth between stretching my legs and eating the various snacks they provided.  I was so impressed with how organized and well-supported this race was.  I couldn't believe all the "stuff" they had for us.  After an hour or so, we finally boarded the TNT shuttle back to our hotel where we relaxed for the rest of the afternoon before heading to the victory party at Moscone Center, where we got to enjoy and celebrate our wonderful accomplishment.

So happy to see my baby as well as my
family and friends at the finish line!

For me, running 13.1 miles was just a small part of what I achieved.  More importantly for me was raising so much money for cancer research.  Initially I set out to raise $5000.  This was well over my required minimum of $1600 (honorees' get a discount--the minimum for regular participants for this event was $2500), but I knew I could do it and I was incredibly passionate about raising this money, as I know firsthand how this money makes a difference.  I set to work early drumming up support and reaching out to every network I could think of.  Thanks to the incredible generosity of my family, friends, colleagues, students' families, friends of family, friends of friends, and even total strangers, not only was I able to double my initial goal of $5000, but I nearly TRIPLED it.  That's right, once I receive credit for company matching as well as several hundred dollars worth of checks that I just sent in and haven't been credited yet, my fundraising grand total is an incredible amount of $14,228.18!!!   I am so proud and pleased to know that this money will go directly towards patient services, as well as research to find new and advanced medicines, and eventually a cure!   I am truly astounded, humbled and inspired by the generosity, love, support and encouragement that you all have shown me.  Words simply cannot describe how incredibly appreciative and grateful I am to all of you who touched me in some way along the course of this journey.  I send all my love and sincerest thanks to you all!

Slow Drip Friday & Fantastic Fundraising

I'm beginning to write this entry from the "Royal Rituxan Room" at Kaiser.  My dad and I arrived shortly before 9:00 AM for my regularly scheduled, 12-week maintenance infusion, and I was thrilled to be escorted to Room B, my own private room with an adjustable bed, semi-private bathroom, and flatscreen TV, versus a vinyl recliner in a large open room with a mere curtain to separate me from the other patients.  What luxury!  I slept a good part of the morning away in that comfy bed, and welcomed the rest.

My infusion went fine for the first few hours.  The nurse installed my IV and we went through the typical pre-meds (Tylenol, Benedryl, and Solumedrol--a steroid) before starting the Rituxan drip.  We started the drip slowly and things went smoothly, but a few hours in, after she had bumped up the flow rate, I started to have a mild allergic reaction: itching in the roof of my mouth and in my ears.  This is nothing new, and has happened to me on several occasions, but it should still be taken seriously because people can have very strong reactions, and they have to follow protocol.  My nurse stopped the drip, gave more Benedryl and a new steroid called Decadron, and waited a good half hour before starting the Rituxan drip again, at a slower rate.  She progressed me conservatively, as she didn't want to risk another reaction.  We didn't finish until almost 5:30 PM.

It was a very, very long and boring day, but I was very thankful to catch up on some much needed sleep.  I've been feeling so completely exhausted lately with the normal demands of life: teaching full time, being a mom to a VERY active four-year-old boy, getting all my workouts and runs in as I train for my event, spending time every night working on fundraising, not to mention trying to find time in there to socialize with family and friends!  There just are not enough hours in the day (which is reflected in my messy house!)  Still, my life is fuller than full, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My participation in Team in Training is proving to be more rewarding than words can express.  I am incredibly humbled by the support, both moral and financial, that I have received thus far.  Physically, I am feeling so strong.  I am working out 5-6 days a week, usually running 2-3 of those days.  Tuesdays are typically shorter runs on my own, Thursdays are track workouts, and Saturday mornings are the long, organized "Team" runs.  I have run 8 miles for each of the last two Saturdays, and tomorrow I plan to progress to 10 miles.  Hopefully I will still be feeling good enough to do this after today's infusion.  My event is just over a month away now on October 16, so I am really ramping it up now!

Here's a pic of me running at a Thursday night track workout.

Even more exhilarating for me than the running has been the fundraising.  My personal goal was to raise $5000 for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.  Thanks to the donations of so many friends, family members, colleagues, students' families, and even complete strangers, I have managed to raise nearly $7000!  And though I've surpassed my initial goal, I'm not going to stop.  I'm not even close to being done with my fundraising because I know I can do more, and I know, very personally, that every dollar I raise makes a difference.  I have two more fundraising nights scheduled at local restaurants coming up, plus I am hosting a wine tasting event at my house.  By the end of the fall training season, I am pretty confident that I will be able to reach my new goal doubling my initial goal and raising $10,000 for the LLS!  It is so exciting to me to be able to contribute and give back to this organization that I have so much to thank for!

If you haven't already contributed and would like to, I would be so incredibly appreciative if you could help me reach this new goal.  Please click this link to donate:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sj/nikesf11/jreido

Or, if you are local and can attend one (or more!) of my other upcoming fundraising events, I would also be so thankful (not to mention how I'd love to see you).  Here are my upcoming events:

• Wednesday 9/21 from 11 AM - 9 PM - Willow Street Pizza at Westgate Mall - 20% of your food and beverage bill will go to my fundraising campaign


• Saturday 9/24  from 5 PM - 9 PM - Wine Tasting Open House Event at my home featuring wines from St. Hilaire Vineyard in Templeton (near Paso Robles), fine cheeses, gourmet munchies, and live music - Adults only, $20 per person donation 


• Tuesday 10/4 from 11 AM - 9 PM (this is actually my birthday, so come celebrate with me!) - Fresh Choice at Vallco (Cupertino) - 15% of your food and beverage bill will go to my fundraising campaign

If you plan to attend either of the restaurant events, please contact me so that I can send you a flyer to print out and present at the register when you pay.

If you are interested in coming to my wine tasting fundraiser, please also contact me.  Advance ticket donations are greatly appreciated.  You may purchase tickets in advance by going to my fundraising website and making your $20 (per person) donation.  Please indicate the word "taste" after your name in the "display my name as" field on the website.

Once again, I am so humbled and grateful for all of the encouragement, love and support you have given me throughout this journey.  You have all helped me to believe in myself, always stay positive, and realize the importance of making the most of each and every precious day.  I am so blessed!

Six Month Checkup: No Bad News = Good News!

Well I went in for my 6-month check up today with my oncologist, following last week's MRI.  I am pleased to announce that overall, the report is a good one.  The "abnormalities" i.e. tumors, remain unchanged, or possibly smaller... but show NO growth.  This is GOOD NEWS!  Ideally we would like to see them gone completely, but there is a very strong possibility that what shows up on the MRI is actually scar tissue.  These "abnormalities" are not necessarily active lymphoma cells, but unfortunately there is no real way to tell.  Nevertheless, my doctor seemed pleased that the disease is not progressing, and went as far to say that it is *possible* that it is gone completely--which is what I'm choosing to believe! ;-)

I asked a few questions about some of the things that showed up in my initial diagnosis, specifically some unusual looking spots that showed up in the original CT scan I had taken of my abdomen a year ago.  My doctor thought it would be best to repeat the scan to follow up.  So I will have the pleasure of drinking that delightful barium "smoothie" in a couple of weeks (August 26th, if you really want to know).  In addition, even though I'm under 40, she recommended that I have a yearly mammogram since I had the lump in my breast last summer, which led to the biopsy that really triggered this whole journey, so that will happen next week as well.  Though I'm not thrilled about undergoing more testing and having to worry about potential results, I'm happy that we live in a time and place where we have the medical technology to discover and successfully treat so many diseases that would have been considered fatal decades ago.

Which leads me to talk about my fundraising for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society, which is going EXTREMELY well, thanks to many of you, my dear loved ones and friends, who are showing your love and support in droves.  As of this evening, you have helped me raise $2720.00 in less than two weeks!  This money will go directly towards aiding cancer patients and their families, as well as cancer research.   This is enormously fulfilling to know that I am giving back to the organization that has done so much for me!

So once again, a HUGE thank you to all of you who have already donated!  If you haven't done it yet, please consider making a donation--ALL amounts are greatly appreciated, no matter how small!  It only takes a couple of minutes, and it will affect the lives of so many.  Please help me continue to work towards (and hopefully even surpass) my goal of raising $5000.

As for my marathon training, it is going very well and we are starting very slowly.  This weekend our "long" run will be 3-5 miles on Saturday, and I will be speaking to our team and sharing my story after the run at our Honoree Breakfast.  I am enjoying getting to know my teammates, and hopefully encouraging and inspiring them so that they realize that their commitment and dedication throughout this experience is really making a difference.

Me and a teammate during a Saturday
run along the Campbell Trail.

Coming Full Circle

Well I guess it's been a while since the last update.  Life has been moving along at the speed of light it seems, and I feel very blessed and thankful that things have been very "normal." We've been living life to the fullest and I LOVE it!  In April we traveled to Spain and the UK for an amazing family vacation, and we also just returned from a trip to Maui, where we rented a beach condo with some dear friends and spent nine days basking in paradise!  Before that I had a very fulfilling rest of the school year with my students, and I absolutely love being a mom to the sweetest and funniest four-year-old on the planet (I'm just a little biased).

Family Portrait in Maui

My health overall has been fantastic (knock on wood).  I've continued to focus sucessfully on weight loss and exercise, and though it has been slow going, I am nearly 30 pounds lighter than I was two years ago.  I have undergone two more maintenance treatments of Rituxan, one in March and one in June, and both went very smoothly.  I am scheduled for my MRI next week and I am expecting to hear good news when I meet with my oncologist the following week.  


This past Thursday night, I did something that I've been thinking about ever since I was diagnosed a year ago: I signed up with the Leukemia Lymphoma Society's (LLS) Team in Training (TNT) to run the Nike Women's Half Marathon in October.  My involvement with TNT began in the fall of 2005, when, on a whim and in attempt to improve my fitness level, I decided to attend a TNT informational meeting and was so inspired that I signed up to do an event there and then.  Never having been a runner, this was a huge deal for me.  I was always the kid who walked the laps in junior high PE, always coming in last.  I took dance class in high school so I could avoid PE and running!  I’d never ever even completed running ONE mile, yet there I was, so inspired by this meeting that I signed myself up to run 13.1!  With the support of TNT’s amazing network of coaches, mentors, honorees, and other participants, I went through their incredibly successful training program and completed the San Francisco Kaiser Half Marathon in February of 2006, not to mention that I raised over $5000 for the LLS!  I can honestly say that crossing that finish line was one of the greatest accomplishments of my life.  

With my dad, after completing my half-marathon!  If you
look closely, you can see the tears of joy in my eyes.

Little did I know at that time that I would be directly benefiting from my fundraising efforts only a few years later.  Many of you who have been with me throughout this journey know that I have been fighting my cancer battle by receiving infusions an amazing drug called Rituxan.  Rituxan is a type of antibody therapy, which is different from traditional chemotherapy in that this drug targets the specific cancerous cells and binds to them, which creates a target for the body’s immune system to attack.  Traditional chemotherapy kills healthy as well as cancerous cells, and thus causes so many of the horrible side effects that people experience.  With Rituxan, thankfully, I have not experienced the harsh side effects of hair loss, nausea, extreme fatigue and immunosuppression.  This miracle drug has literally melted my tumors away, keeping my cancer under control with a very minimal impact on my life.  

I was thrilled to discover that the Leukemia Lymphoma Society provided critical funding for the development of Rituxan.  This is incredibly motivating for me to help raise even more funds for the LLS, knowing so personally that the efforts of this amazing organization really do change lives of cancer patients.  It is so satisfying to know that the money I raise as a participant will go directly toward more research to develop other new miracle drugs that will greatly improve the lives of future cancer patients, and eventually one day... find a cure.  As of now, there is no cure for the type of cancer that I have.

In addition to being a participant on TNT's South Bay Run Team, I am also serving as an "honoree" this season.  I will sharing my story with my team, and making a personal connection with those participants whose lives may not have been affected by someone who has a blood cancer.  I hope that in this way, I will be able to inspire and encourage them, and make their TNT journey more meaningful and fruitful.

Please consider supporting me in my efforts by making a generous financial contribution and donate to my fundraising campaign.  No amount is too small!  As a direct beneficiary of the Leukemia Lymphoma Society's efforts, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Click the link below to donate:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sj/nikesf11/jreido

I'm ready to kick some cancer butt!  Please join me by offering your
financial support.  Thank you!

Scheduling Rituxan Maintenance

So I finally got in to see Dr. Vempaty yesterday, after having had our February appointment cancelled when she fell ill.  I knew we would be discussing the next steps for Rituxan maintenance.  From what she had told me before, I was aware of my two options: 

A. a series of four infusions, each one week a part (like I had last fall), every six months, or 

B. one infusion every three months.  

I was hoping that we could go with option B, as it seemed less intrusive, and more manageable, plus it would mean putting half as many infusions of this drug in my body each year.  Luckily, this was indeed the course she recommended.  We planned to schedule my first maintenance infusion on Friday, March 25th, as that was an easy day for me to miss at school, and then I would have the weekend to recover so I could return to work the following Monday.  We would then plan to schedule the next infusion 12 weeks later in June.  Dr. V said we will schedule an MRI six months after my last one, which would be in the first week of August, and we would meet the following week to discuss the results.

I learned a couple of interesting things in this visit.  I was somewhat surprised that she has not done Rituxan maintenance treatment on a patient with my type of "marginal zone" lymphoma, because it is so rare and she has never had a patient with this before.  However, she has done maintenance with patients who have had follicular lymphoma, which is a very similar type of low-grade b-cell lymphoma, and given I already responded so well to the Rituxan, she believes that we will continue to see good results.  She also told me that there is a possibility that the masses (tumors) which showed up in my MRI as unchanged since November, may possibly be scar tissue, and not necessarily active cancer cells.  However, there is no way to tell unless we do another biopsy, which she didn't recommend (phew!)

As you would imagine, a visit to the oncologist is never pleasant, especially when I ask the "what if" questions that I know I don't want to hear the answers to, but I can't help myself:

Q:"What are the risks for continued Rituxan maintenance?"

A:"Possible side effects include headaches (which I already have), immunosuppression, as well as a VERY unlikely possibility of contracting a disease known as leukoencephalopathy, which is potentially fatal, where the brain basically degenerates.  None of us here have ever seen it in any of our patients."

Q:"What if the Rituxan stops working?"

A:"We escalate treatment, and try Rituxan combined with harsher chemo drugs."

Q:"Is it possible the cancer will spread?"

A:"Yes."

Q:"Where is it likely to go?"

A:"The bone marrow, the lungs, the GI tract."

All of this is sobering, and I hate being reminded of my vulnerability during these appointments.  However, I am not going to dwell on these possibilities.  I am on a very positive treatment course.  On a day to day basis, this disease doesn't affect me, and for the most part I forget I even have cancer.  I am not experiencing uncomfortable symptoms.  I am feeling very healthy overall, and living my life as normal: going to work each day, taking care of my family, and spending as much time with friends and loved ones as possible.  I am trying to keep busy and fill my time with activities I love, and especially take advantage of travel opportunities.  Ewan and I just recently enjoyed a wonderful week visiting a multitude of aunts, uncles, and cousins from my dad's side of the family in Jacksonville, Florida (see pictures below).  We are also planning a spring trip to Europe to sightsee in Spain and London, and visit Gavin's family in Scotland, as well as trying to decide on a summer vacation destination.  My future is bright, and I am focusing on loving the life I live, and living the life I love!

At the town center with my Uncle Ramzi, my dad's brother.

At the Jacksonville zoo with a new friend.

Winter Blues, Highs and Lows

Well, it has been a month and a half since the last update, so bear with me and brace yourselves, as this one is gonna be a novella.  Unbelievable how time flies, especially now that I have returned to work.  Yes, I went back to my classroom on January 10th.  After much apprehension on my part, the transition back to work was as seamless as I could have hoped for--better even--and it felt so good to be back doing the job that I love and being in a routine.  My coworkers, students, and their parents were all incredibly welcoming, and made me feel so loved and missed.  It was great to be back...  though it wasn't easy, especially because Gavin left for China just a week after I went back to work.  Still, I kept myself very busy, and accepted support from my wonderful network of friends and family, who rallied around Ewan and me to help entertain and feed us while Gavin was gone.

Unfortunately, I had another little unexpected health concern arise.  (I have come to realize that having cancer makes you hyper-paranoid about every single teeny weenie blip in your body).  I was experiencing some abnormal bleeding, and after an extended email and phone exchange with my OBGYN, I ended up in her office for an exam and an endometrial biopsy, just to make sure it wasn't anything ominous. In case you are keeping track, that would be biopsy #4, and an entirely unpleasant experience that I really would not recommend. The biopsy results came back clean (thank God!) and the bleeding turned out to be nothing but a missed pill, but I did have blood work done to make sure I wasn't anemic.

The blood test results brought on additional emotional upheaval.  I noticed when I received the results that some of the numbers were out of standard range.  I emailed my OB and she replied that she sent a note to Dr. Vempaty, my oncologist, who promptly called me on a Saturday afternoon to express her concern.  Apparently, the test results showed an alarming dip in my neutrophils (the most abundant type of white blood cells within the immune system that are "first responders" in fighting off infections).  She scared the heck out of me, as she was very concerned about me working with children, and putting myself at risk.  She told me that I was very immunosuppressed, and if I became ill with a fever of 100.5 or higher, that I should go straight to the emergency room.  I expressed that I didn't want to stop working, and that I was feeling great (which I have been).  She told me to be vigilant about hand washing, and to be very, very careful.  She wanted to follow up with weekly blood work until my levels were normal.  Great.

This whole thing just didn't right with me.  I mean, why would I see this now, three months after treatment?  After fretting about it all weekend, questioning whether it was wise to continue working with children, and discussing it with friends who had abundant medical knowledge, I decided to go back in to repeat the blood test on Monday afternoon (after spending the day at work washing my own hands raw, as well as dousing my students' hands repeatedly with hand sanitizer).  My results were emailed to me with surprising rapidity that same afternoon, and showed completely NORMAL levels.  I couldn't believe it.  I was hugely relieved, but angry too.  What was going on here?  Was this some kind of lab error?  I couldn't believe I had wasted two whole days stressing and worrying about this, and my doctor had no reasonable explanation.  Frustrating.

The next order of business was my MRI, that was scheduled for Monday, February 7.  That morning, my phone rang in the middle of my teaching, but I recognized Kaiser's number and answered to the radiology department, calling to tell me that their machine was down, and they had to reschedule my appointment to Saturday, February 12.  I expressed concern, because my appointment with Dr. Vempaty to discuss the MRI results and next steps was scheduled for Monday the 14th, and I wanted to be sure that they would have the results ready in time.  Gavin had made special arrangements in his work travel schedule so that he could attend that appointment with me, and then take off once again for China the next day.  Radiology assured me that they would rush the results so I would have them in time.

Looking oh-so-stylish in my hospital gown,
ready for my MRI.

Saturday the 12th arrived, and I went in for my MRI, which went without incident.  I put it out of my head and enjoyed the rest of my weekend with my family.  I was anxious to receive my results at my appointment Monday afternoon, and when my phone rang Monday morning and I recognized Kaiser's number, I uttered a silent groan.  Sure enough, they were calling to cancel my appointment that afternoon because Dr. Vempaty was out with the flu.  I asked if there was someone else I could see who could deliver my results, and explained that I needed to keep an appointment that afternoon because Gavin was leaving, so they were able to schedule me with another oncologist.  In the meantime, my phone rang again and I was impressed to discover it was actually Dr. Vempaty calling, as she knew I was so anxious to hear my results.  It was difficult to talk, and time was limited, as I had a room full of students who needed my attention, but she basically told me that the MRI showed no real change since November.  The tumors were no larger than after the completion of my treatment, but they hadn't shrunk any more like we were hoping they would.  Not bad news, but not exactly what I was hoping for.  She told me that we would likely need to schedule "maintenance" treatment with the Rituxan drug, which would either be another 4 week/once a week cycle every 6 months, or one infusion every three months.  I told her that I had an appointment that afternoon with another oncologist, which she was fine with me keeping, but she told me to follow up with her in a couple of weeks to discuss the details of my future treatment.

My appointment with my "substitute" oncologist later that afternoon was fine.  He gave me a copy my MRI report, which was basically a scientific description of the tumors, and may as well have been written in Chinese, for all the unintelligible medical mumbo-jumbo it contained.  The bottom line was, my tumors were relatively unchanged since November.  Disappointing, but he focused on the positive, and that at least the tumors showed no growth, which was very good news.  He told me that the fact that I had responded so well to the Rituxan in the first place was very good news.  He obviously couldn't tell me specifics about next steps, as he is unfamiliar with my case, but he assured me that I was in excellent hands with Dr. V, and that another round of treatment was likely in my future.  I will meet with her at the beginning of March, and we will likely schedule my next round of treatment from there.

So everyone keeps asking me how I feel.  Honestly, It depends on the day.  There have been some BIG ups and downs these past two weeks, and I won't lie... it has been challenging at times, and I have had my breakdowns.  But let's face it, life is challenging for us all, and I know it does me no good to complain (OK, well, maybe a little venting to a few select special friends is in order!)  But overall, I am doing really well.  Physically, I feel great, aside from frequent (but fleeting) headaches and soreness around the muscles surrounding my right eyeball, but in many ways I feel like I am healthier than I have been in years.  I have really committed myself to focusing on healthy eating habits and I've been exercising 5 days a week.  I've lost 10 pounds since the New Year, and it feels wonderful.  I have realized that there is so much regarding my health that I cannot control, but eating well and regular exercise is an aspect of my life that I know that I can control, and so I am bound and determined to make the permanent changes and reform the bad habits that I have built over the years.  Rather ironic, that cancer may end up making me "healthier" in the long run!

I still count my blessings every day.  I am so grateful this disease is manageable.  I am so grateful for my ever-supportive husband, my exuberant son, and my loving family and friends.  I am grateful for my job, my students, my coworkers.  I am grateful for opportunities to travel and see new places, and planning for some future trips has become a welcome distraction.  Finally, I am grateful for my faith, which continues to give me the comfort of knowing that I do have tremendous strength to endure, and I will continue to get through this, and that everything is going to be OK.