Unfortunately, I had another little unexpected health concern arise. (I have come to realize that having cancer makes you hyper-paranoid about every single teeny weenie blip in your body). I was experiencing some abnormal bleeding, and after an extended email and phone exchange with my OBGYN, I ended up in her office for an exam and an endometrial biopsy, just to make sure it wasn't anything ominous. In case you are keeping track, that would be biopsy #4, and an entirely unpleasant experience that I really would not recommend. The biopsy results came back clean (thank God!) and the bleeding turned out to be nothing but a missed pill, but I did have blood work done to make sure I wasn't anemic.
The blood test results brought on additional emotional upheaval. I noticed when I received the results that some of the numbers were out of standard range. I emailed my OB and she replied that she sent a note to Dr. Vempaty, my oncologist, who promptly called me on a Saturday afternoon to express her concern. Apparently, the test results showed an alarming dip in my neutrophils (the most abundant type of white blood cells within the immune system that are "first responders" in fighting off infections). She scared the heck out of me, as she was very concerned about me working with children, and putting myself at risk. She told me that I was very immunosuppressed, and if I became ill with a fever of 100.5 or higher, that I should go straight to the emergency room. I expressed that I didn't want to stop working, and that I was feeling great (which I have been). She told me to be vigilant about hand washing, and to be very, very careful. She wanted to follow up with weekly blood work until my levels were normal. Great.
This whole thing just didn't right with me. I mean, why would I see this now, three months after treatment? After fretting about it all weekend, questioning whether it was wise to continue working with children, and discussing it with friends who had abundant medical knowledge, I decided to go back in to repeat the blood test on Monday afternoon (after spending the day at work washing my own hands raw, as well as dousing my students' hands repeatedly with hand sanitizer). My results were emailed to me with surprising rapidity that same afternoon, and showed completely NORMAL levels. I couldn't believe it. I was hugely relieved, but angry too. What was going on here? Was this some kind of lab error? I couldn't believe I had wasted two whole days stressing and worrying about this, and my doctor had no reasonable explanation. Frustrating.
The next order of business was my MRI, that was scheduled for Monday, February 7. That morning, my phone rang in the middle of my teaching, but I recognized Kaiser's number and answered to the radiology department, calling to tell me that their machine was down, and they had to reschedule my appointment to Saturday, February 12. I expressed concern, because my appointment with Dr. Vempaty to discuss the MRI results and next steps was scheduled for Monday the 14th, and I wanted to be sure that they would have the results ready in time. Gavin had made special arrangements in his work travel schedule so that he could attend that appointment with me, and then take off once again for China the next day. Radiology assured me that they would rush the results so I would have them in time.
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| Looking oh-so-stylish in my hospital gown, ready for my MRI. |
Saturday the 12th arrived, and I went in for my MRI, which went without incident. I put it out of my head and enjoyed the rest of my weekend with my family. I was anxious to receive my results at my appointment Monday afternoon, and when my phone rang Monday morning and I recognized Kaiser's number, I uttered a silent groan. Sure enough, they were calling to cancel my appointment that afternoon because Dr. Vempaty was out with the flu. I asked if there was someone else I could see who could deliver my results, and explained that I needed to keep an appointment that afternoon because Gavin was leaving, so they were able to schedule me with another oncologist. In the meantime, my phone rang again and I was impressed to discover it was actually Dr. Vempaty calling, as she knew I was so anxious to hear my results. It was difficult to talk, and time was limited, as I had a room full of students who needed my attention, but she basically told me that the MRI showed no real change since November. The tumors were no larger than after the completion of my treatment, but they hadn't shrunk any more like we were hoping they would. Not bad news, but not exactly what I was hoping for. She told me that we would likely need to schedule "maintenance" treatment with the Rituxan drug, which would either be another 4 week/once a week cycle every 6 months, or one infusion every three months. I told her that I had an appointment that afternoon with another oncologist, which she was fine with me keeping, but she told me to follow up with her in a couple of weeks to discuss the details of my future treatment.
My appointment with my "substitute" oncologist later that afternoon was fine. He gave me a copy my MRI report, which was basically a scientific description of the tumors, and may as well have been written in Chinese, for all the unintelligible medical mumbo-jumbo it contained. The bottom line was, my tumors were relatively unchanged since November. Disappointing, but he focused on the positive, and that at least the tumors showed no growth, which was very good news. He told me that the fact that I had responded so well to the Rituxan in the first place was very good news. He obviously couldn't tell me specifics about next steps, as he is unfamiliar with my case, but he assured me that I was in excellent hands with Dr. V, and that another round of treatment was likely in my future. I will meet with her at the beginning of March, and we will likely schedule my next round of treatment from there.
So everyone keeps asking me how I feel. Honestly, It depends on the day. There have been some BIG ups and downs these past two weeks, and I won't lie... it has been challenging at times, and I have had my breakdowns. But let's face it, life is challenging for us all, and I know it does me no good to complain (OK, well, maybe a little venting to a few select special friends is in order!) But overall, I am doing really well. Physically, I feel great, aside from frequent (but fleeting) headaches and soreness around the muscles surrounding my right eyeball, but in many ways I feel like I am healthier than I have been in years. I have really committed myself to focusing on healthy eating habits and I've been exercising 5 days a week. I've lost 10 pounds since the New Year, and it feels wonderful. I have realized that there is so much regarding my health that I cannot control, but eating well and regular exercise is an aspect of my life that I know that I can control, and so I am bound and determined to make the permanent changes and reform the bad habits that I have built over the years. Rather ironic, that cancer may end up making me "healthier" in the long run!
I still count my blessings every day. I am so grateful this disease is manageable. I am so grateful for my ever-supportive husband, my exuberant son, and my loving family and friends. I am grateful for my job, my students, my coworkers. I am grateful for opportunities to travel and see new places, and planning for some future trips has become a welcome distraction. Finally, I am grateful for my faith, which continues to give me the comfort of knowing that I do have tremendous strength to endure, and I will continue to get through this, and that everything is going to be OK.
